Ah-ha backwards is still ah-ha. haha. (Was that a lame dad joke?)
What does an ah-ha moment in life look like?
To me: The ah-ha moment is the moment you say, “I am worth it.”. The moments where you find yourself saying those exact words are the moments you know you’ve struck gold. You know because it’s either a familiar feeling that you haven’t felt in a while and it feels just right or it’s a feeling you know by heart.
When I feel as if I’m loosing ‘me’ I somehow always manage to rediscover myself.
What do you know in your heart that you need to let go of, in order to let yourself breathe?
Things never became so clear until after my break up and I showered for the first time after four days of crying and finally changing my shirt.. haha jk… no but really… but also when I changed my mindset. I believe that once you’ve hit your worst, only amazing things can happen from there. Once you let them happen of course.
He was not only a person I revolved my life around. He was a person I catered to and made my decisions, judgments, and life choices around.
This life is yours. If you don’t choose you, who will? Because at the end of the day you aren’t going to fall out of love with you. It goes back to the saying you’ve probably heard a million times… but it’s the last nail in the coffin, “If you don’t love yourself, how are you going to love someone else?”. How do you expect someone to fully love you when you don’t even love yourself?
What I took away from my breakup
You love you. And don’t you dare forget that. You get up for you. You strive for you. So you better fulfill those god damn dreams and not let anyone or anything stand in your way.
Then the Ah-ha moment kicked in…
My ah-ha moment kicked in 4 months after my break up, when I was watching Netflix in my bed on the top bunk in St. Christopher’s Inn in Barcelona, Spain. I had just met a bunch of amazing girls in my 12 girl dorm and not only that, I learned a lot from each and every one of them.
I was feeling a bit homesick and I didn’t want to go out. I felt guilty for wanting to stay in and watch Netflix because I was in such a beautiful city and should be out and about everyday doing and seeing things. The girls in my dorm reminded me that I was on vacation and I can do whatever I want, as long as it made me happy.
By forcing myself into an environment that I was extremely unfamiliar with (travelling alone across the world). The realization kicked in that every decision I make in life should be for me, to make me happy, and fulfil my soul. This didn’t mean that I was going to turn into some selfish monster and not give two shits about people and their feelings, but more so being mindful of the decisions I was making. Mindful of who I was. Mindful of who I was making my decision for.
Coming full circle
Let’s not call it ending an 11-year friendship but instead, taking a break? Me and my best friend’s relationship came to an end simply because we grew apart, our mindsets and values were very different and we didn’t feel the want or need to make ends meet anymore.
Though this amazing friendship has now grown apart it may perhaps be revisited when the time is right. But it was then and there that I knew that I was not placed on this Earth to please others but to be true to myself.
The ending of these two relationships solidified what my mom had said to me when I got dumped.
“God gave you an amazing gift. He gave you a big heart with the desire and love of sharing it with others. Many people in this world aren’t like that and he was lucky enough to experience your love. Do not regret the actions, the time, and the love you gave to him. It is your gift. Never regret the gifts that God has given you. We are very lucky to have you, never forget that.”
It took me a lovely three-year relationship, a trip alone across the world, and saying goodbye to an 11-year friendship to fully understand what makes me choose me every damn time.
What makes you choose you every damn time? I’d love to hear your story!